I have actually known for two weeks but we had a bit of a scare. But I will start the story from the beginning. The ultrasound tech told us during the u/s that the baby was a boy. I was shocked. I really felt like this one was a girl. But then looking back now… maybe I was just really talking myself into thinking it was a girl and knowing it was a boy:P She left the room and Joe asked if I was alright and I totally started crying. I was so disappointed. And even more surprised at how disappointed I was.
You know how little girls envision their weddings and their prince charming all growing up? Well I didn’t… my fantasies were all about raising daughters and sharing my childhood and teenage journals with them… what boys I thought were cute, etc. Raising boys never entered my mind. I don’t even think I thought that was a possiblity.
Anyway, back to the story. The tech came back in and told me I have a partial placenta previa and the doctor would be in to talk to me about my restrictions. So the dr. comes in and starts looking and says there is a bright spot on the heart and it is a soft marker for down’s. Everyone who heard me talk about possibly getting pregnant knows that this was my biggest fear.
One, because Joe and I have very different beliefs on pro choice/life and I didn’t want to have to broach that subject. I really don’t know what I would do if it came down to that and I really didn’t want to even think about it. Two, being over the age of 30 means that you can pretty much die walking around the corner if a car spun out of control. And what I mean is that death and bad things happening are more of a possiblity than when you are in your 20’s. I never gave health issues a second thought when I was pregnant with the boys… naive for sure.
I digress…. We needed my blood test scores to make a sound decision on whether or not to have an amnio as there is a 1 in 200 chance of miscarriage from having an amnio. My first blood tests said 1 in 4000. They had my results faxed over for the second tests and they were 1 in 400. With this soft marker on the heart, it dropped to 1 in 200. It was too small of a number for me to go til June not knowing. We decided to do the amnio and I hope to never have to do that again.
So we have been waiting two weeks for the results. Chances were good that everything was going to be just fine but there was still a chance that there could be something wrong. The last two weeks have been really hard. First, I was on bedrest for two days and I just felt so vulnerable physically. And then just waiting and a million possibilities running through my head was no help.
The genetic counselor called today and everything is normal. And it is definitely a boy. I am so relieved and feel like I can finally invest myself emotionally into having a baby. We do not have any names so if you can think of any good ones that go with Tucker and Dallon, please feel free to post them in the comments:)
The boys were very disappointed at first with the boy news but have warmed up. And I took them to a baby store and they were so cute picking out boy clothes. They were really excited and it was really fun to see that they were ok with it and looking forward to this baby being born.
And actually, I am pretty ok with it being a boy too. I will always have a sadness of not raising a daughter in my lifetime but there are a lot of things I would like to do in my life that I won’t be able to. It’s not the end of the world. And I think the hardest thing about having the same sex of children is that it’s hard to imagine someone totally different than the other two. It seems like this baby will be like Dallon or Tucker… I remember thinking that when I was pregnant with Dallon. He was surely going to be a Tucker clone. But he couldn’t be further from Tucker (well, if he had dark brown hair it would be further;). So I have to remind myself that this baby is going to be totally different too.
This is definitely going to be a weird thing come this summer. I have no idea what to expect. Last week I had a dream that I gave birth to the baby and tons of people were around and he came out smiling and everyone instantly fell in love with him and he was just the sweetest baby in the world. I hope that is the case:)